Mindful masturbation: the cheat code to better sex and orgasms

Written with
Amanda Barge

Whether we want to admit it or not, we all love to masturbate. Masturbating is a pick-me-up, a date with your dick, a chance to (literally) take pleasure into your own two hands.

Just under 90% of men masturbate, so we know that it’s a frequent part of most men’s schedules.

But what if there was a way to help make your one-on-one penis time even better? In this blog post, we’re going to be exploring new techniques for masturbating which aim to do just that.

What is mindful masturbation?

Mindfulness (in general) is the practice of becoming conscious and aware, trying to reduce distractions, and being present in the moment.

When it comes to mindfulness in the bedroom specifically, mindful masturbation involves concentrating on pleasurable sensations that ground you in your body and allow you to be more present. By masturbating mindfully, you’re focusing on sensations of pleasure, becoming aware of how you like to be touched, and how your body responds to this touch.

Often when we masturbate we’re on auto-pilot, watching porn by default, using muscle-memory hand-movements, and focusing on getting to the finish line fast. Mindful masturbation is a change-up from these typical masturbation habits.

Both men, women, and non-binary people can masturbate mindfully. However, in this article, we’ll focus on men.

What are the key benefits of mindful masturbation for men?

1. Heightened arousal and new sensations

Masturbation normally starts at a young age, and we can become dependent on our own go-to masturbation routines.

“Often the way we masturbate becomes a habit and we do not connect with our bodies the way we should. Men can neglect other forms of arousal. Their masturbation has become too one-dimensional.” 

Silva Neves, Psychosexual and Relationship Therapist

Mindful masturbation allows you to learn more about what your body likes, reconnect with your penis, and experience new sensations and pleasure spots. This should heighten your arousal, allowing you to have better solo sex, better partnered sex, and overall better orgasms.

2. Overcoming erectile issues

Sometimes, different masturbation styles may have an impact on your erections during partnered sex. 

By masturbating in a particular manner over time, you might have trained your penis to feel pleasure in certain ways which can’t be mimicked during partnered sex.

This can sometimes result in trouble getting or staying hard, which is also known as erectile dysfunction (ED).

Some examples of masturbation styles that can contribute to erection issues are: 

By mindfully masturbating, you can rewire your brain into enjoying new sensations that can help you get and stay hard (and cum) during partnered sex.

“Men can develop a style of masturbation that can lead to problems when they want to have partnered sex. By masturbating mindfully, you can change your neural pathways (signals sent from one part of your brain to the other), moving you away from a dependency on your usual masturbation habits.”

Amanda Barge, Psychosexual and Relationship Therapist

3. Reduced sexual performance anxiety

Sexual performance anxiety (SPA) is the fear that you won’t perform well during sex. 

SPA is often connected to:

  • Erectile dysfunction (not being able to get or keep an erection)
  • Premature ejaculation (ejaculating quicker than you’d like)
  • Spectatoring (when you start paying too much anxious attention to your erections during sex)

Certain mindful masturbation techniques can help to reduce both sexual performance anxiety and spectatoring. This is because they teach you methods to get out of your head, stop watching your erections, and get back into your body during sex.

“Feeling sensations in as much detail as possible will make it impossible for your mind to be preoccupied with erection worries during sex. Remember that sensations are king in the bedroom, and not thoughts.”

Mike Richards, Meditation coach

4. Reduced stress, anxiety, and depression overall

Mindfulness-based therapy is effective at reducing stress, anxiety, and depression. In fact, a Harvard study showed that meditation actually leads to lasting changes in brain function

Stress, anxiety and depression can all mess with your erection, but mindful masturbation is based on mindfulness therapy and can help reduce these negative thoughts and feelings.

“Mindful masturbation is really healthy. There are all sorts of physiological benefits. It releases tension, it sometimes helps people sleep better. It can also lower cortisol, your body’s main stress hormone.”

Amanda Barge, Psychosexual and Relationship Therapist

How do you masturbate mindfully?

So now you know what mindful masturbation is (and some of the benefits), you’re probably wondering how to do it.

Follow these tips from our sexperts for some wanking wisdom:

1. Create a chilled-out vibe

Make sure your environment is relaxed and comfortable. Some ways to set the scene are:

  • Choose a time when you’re not rushing to go anywhere or do anything
  • Take a warm shower
  • Make sure you're somewhere private and won't be disturbed
  • Light a candle
  • Get naked or wearing comfy, loose clothing
  • Sit or lie in a comfortable position

2. Use a mirror

Before beginning your mindful masturbation session, put yourself in a positive headspace for self-love. You can do this by taking the time to look at yourself in a mirror and notice any thoughts that come into your head. Try to think of one positive thing about what you see or feel.

3. Try using lube

Using lube can help you heighten the feelings of touch across your body and penis even further.

4. Stay in the present   

It's important to learn how to re-focus on the present when your mind starts drifting during masturbation or sex, so you can seek out the most pleasurable sensations you can feel.

“Mindfulness means using the whole body, all of the senses. Touch, feel, temperature, maybe smell. An orgasm won’t be the chief goal, it’ll be more just noticing and being curious.”

Amanda Barge, Psychosexual and Relationship Therapist
“I’m pleasantly surprised by how good it feels to just be in the moment and take away any expectation to ‘perform’. I’m purposefully focusing my energy on enjoying the moment and not reaching orgasm, in order to train myself to be in the moment and avoid spectatoring about whether I will climax or not.”

Anonymous Mojo user

Sign up to Mojo to find out how to stay more in the present during sex. 

5. Take the pressure off the end goal

Is your mind preoccupied with erection worries, thinking about whether you’ll successfully cum or not? 

Don’t worry about rushing to the finish line, and try to prioritize enjoying the journey instead. This way, you’ll probably find you’ll reach orgasm anyway, without even meaning to. 

“Focusing on the present moment rather than thinking, will help you remain more aroused during sex. Train to become more attuned to the sensual and pleasant sensations which arise during sex.”

Mike Richards, Meditation coach

Learn more about taking the pressure of cumming by signing up to Mojo.

6. Take part in directed masturbation exercises and learn other masturbation techniques

Masturbation exercises can help you to masturbate mindfully.

Yes, you read that correctly. Masturbation exercises. You might be imagining something like cross-fit for your penis, but trust us, getting out of breath is a lot more fun here.

Here’s a sneak peak into some masturbation exercises we have at Mojo: 

  • A ‘boosting your arousal’ focus teaches several mindful masturbation exercises, including ‘body scanning’
  • A 4-part ‘masturbate your way to better erections’ focus includes audio masturbation exercises 
  • A ‘getting out of your head during sex’ focus offers tips around immersing yourself in the present moment
  • A ‘get better erections’ focus has tools to help you stay in the present when mindfully masturbating
  • We even have partnered masturbation meditations to try out with your sexual partners, so you can both explore mindfulness together

Repeating exercises like these will help you remain in the present, and broaden the types of sensations that can get you hard, keep you hard, and eventually lead to earth-shattering orgasms. 

“I have discovered newfound sensitivity. After meditating and following the directions to self-directed masturbation I continued to play on my own. Within 2 minutes I had a mind-blowing orgasm. The quickest in well over 10 years.”

Anonymous Mojo User

You can find out more about these techniques and test them for yourself via your trial.

Treasure touching yourself

Elevate your masturbating sessions by incorporating mindfulness. We’re the world’s leading platform to create erection-specific meditations which can guide you through masturbating mindfully.

Sign up for our trial, and indulge in mindful masturbation sessions leading to better orgasms (on your own and with your partners).

If you’d like to read about other Mojo users' experiences of mindfulness techniques or share your experiences, you can also read through our community forum posts here.

Mojo aims to provide useful wellbeing resources to its users; however, you should not solely rely on opinions or advice available on the Website or given by the Community. Always seek advice from a qualified medical doctor or other healthcare professional before acting.

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