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When your man can’t get it up

by Danny, Content Designer

At Mojo we’ve brought together some of the world’s best men’s sexual wellbeing experts to develop an educational video platform with clinically-proven exercises and techniques that will help your man if he can’t get it up.

Common myths about erectile dysfunction

If you think erectile dysfunction only affects old men and premature ejaculation only affects teenage boys, you’re wrong.

Whether you’ve just started getting to know a guy, or have been married to him for 20 years, the stats are the same when it comes to problems with sex. Research from the Cleveland Clinic shows that:

– 40% of men by the age of 40 will have experienced erectile dysfunction
– 30% of all men suffer with premature ejaculation
– For many men there is a high correlation between the two and they can struggle with both.

One of our own experts, Anne Chilton, Psychosexual Therapist on the accreditation board of COSRT (College of Sex and Relationship therapists, says:

“Being able to get it up is so central to a young man’s development and when it’s not happening in the way they want, then its impacts can be devastating. It can lead to depression, low self-esteem and a reluctance to engage in relationships. Yet quite often the help and information need to sort it are not there. Mojo fills that gap.”

Don’t assume that he’s not into you, or that the relationship is broken – there are loads of things that can affect a man’s ability to have sex. At Mojo we’ve put together courses that help men get to the root of the most common physical and mental causes.

Common causes of sexual dysfunction in new relationships

Performance Anxiety The negative feelings a man holds about his ability to have sex. Becoming self-conscious or uncomfortable can make it impossible to get it up.

Body image issues  A lack of confidence and anxiety about the way we look can build up when comparing ourselves to others. Social media and porn can give men unhealthy expectations.

Over-excitement  The nervous feelings of butterflies that we feel in a new relationship can make it difficult to get it up and have ejaculatory control.

Intimacy problems  Some men need to feel a certain level of trust, understanding or safety before they are able to be vulnerable during sex with someone.

Common causes of sexual dysfunction in established relationships

Relationship troubles Underlying issues in the relationship such as disputes or even just a breakdown in communication can cause problems in the bedroom.

Power imbalance If one partner holds all the control, like when and what happens during sex, this can create an imbalance. This commonly causes premature ejaculation.

Natural change in sexual desire Appetites for sex do dwindle as we get older. Part of this for a man is biological, his refractory period starts to slow and extend.

Boredom A good sex life thrives on intrigue and connection. If you have got into a comfortable routine this can be a killer for arousal and desire.

Stressful Lifestyle If our day to day lives are full of stresses this can easily transfer into our sexual wellbeing.

How to Deal with your partner’s sexual dysfunctions

When you realise that you can start to work on the problem together, something that was pushing you apart becomes the thing that can unite you. 

Man with quote.

It’s a very simple reframing and all you need is the know how. There are more communication tips explored through the video content in the Mojo Partner Portal.

How ‘fight or flight’ mode stops him getting it up

Often ED and PE are caused by an element of anxiety. In the case of sexual dysfunctions experts call it Performance Anxiety. The biology is very simple, when we are anxious our bodies think we’re in danger. They divert all the blood we have away from non-essential organs to the skeletal muscles and our brain function speeds up, we become hyper-aware and sensitive. You can see why both ED and PE are the common end result when your partner is feeling anxious. 

How to get him back to ‘rest and digest’ – which mean better erections

It’s hard to tell your body not to be nervous about something because fear is a natural reaction. However you can force the body back to its state of ‘rest and digest’ through specific breathing exercises. Through breathing and using the diaphragm, it’s possible to bring the anxiety levels back down to a place where men can be in the moment and enjoy sex.

You can try one of our breathing exercises together in the Mojo Partners Portal.

Get intimate without the orgasm

For a lot of people the special thing about sex is the intimacy factor. It’s easy to forget that you don’t have to be hard and ready for sex to be intimate.

If the idea of having sex is causing anxiety levels to rise, try our body resensitation mindfullness exercise. Our skin is sensitive to touch and the largest organ in the human body. Through doing this exercise you will see how powerful touch can be – and you don’t even need to take your clothes off. Who would have thought!

You can try one of our audio exercises in the Partners Portal.



Danny Harrop-Griffiths

Content Designer